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Quite Possibly One Of The Funniest Things I've Seen In A Long Time

Maybe this says way too much about my adolescent sense of humor, but this Onion News Network video had me in uncontrollable hysterics just now.  Wow.

Bird Hunted To Near Extinction Due To Infuriating 'Fuck You' Call

Jeez Guys, Stop Hating On The TSA! What Could Go Wrong?

Oh:

Update: It's a hoax.

A Special Portrait

Check out this 2nd grader's submission on why a family portrait would be special to her and her family:

Library Grape 2.0 - Return of the Hope Clones Phantom Sith Lord Menace Strikes Back

I suspect some of you have been wondering why posting has been so sporadic this week.  As it turns out, Gherald and I have been working on creating a splendiferous new architecture for the blog on Wordpress.

Everything will remain the same in terms of content (e.g., post archives, comment archives, etc.).  However, we will be revamping the layout to include lots of fantastic new reader features -- including, e.g., improved commenting, post tracking, dramatically improved loading speeds, etc.

Last but certainly not least, a new author will soon be joining the Library Grape family.  In addition to yours truly, Gherald, and Rupert, you will soon have direct access to the wistful and incisive blog-stylings of Lev.  If you're interested in a sneak peek, check out his current blog at http://levsarea.blogspot.com/ .

There are lots of exciting changes afoot around here.  Please bear with us while we work out the kinks.  Also, please stay tuned for an upcoming opportunity to pop over to the beta site and offer your opinions on the new layout and functionality!

-- As always, your true and faithful Metavirus

Rant of the Day: About As Real As Narnia

Awesome:

With all due respect, what the hell are you idiots in the White House smoking? You incompetent boobs. THE REPUBLICANS WILL NOT WORK WITH YOU IN GOOD FAITH ON ANYTHING. Get it through your god damned heads. And they will screw you dim bulbs on tax cuts next, and then you all will throw up your hands and tell us no one could have predicted. The Republicans aren’t the only one living in their own reality, as this White House clearly has constructed a new reality in which Republicans act in good faith. It’s about as real as Narnia.

OMG - New Tron Movie? Oh, Wait. It's Disney. It Will Suck. Never Mind.

So many neurons in my gray matter were influenced by the original Tron:

Unfortunately it looks like every other action-scifi-action-action movie of this modern era: hot twentysomethings doing implausible shit with lots of over-the-top CGI.  E.g. The latest sex-in-space Star Trek movie.

What I really wish would get made is Orson Scott Card's Ender's Game:

Bush Plagiarized Anecdotes In His Memoir Even For Events He Never Attended

There doesn't seem to be much that former Premier Bush is capable of not failing at:

When Crown Publishing inked a deal with George W. Bush for his memoirs, the publisher knew it wasn't getting Faulkner. But the book, at least, promises "gripping, never-before-heard detail" about the former president's key decisions, offering to bring readers "aboard Air Force One on 9/11, in the hours after America's most devastating attack since Pearl Harbor; at the head of the table in the Situation Room in the moments before launching the war in Iraq," and other undisclosed and weighty locations.

Crown also got a mash-up of worn-out anecdotes from previously published memoirs written by his subordinates, from which Bush lifts quotes word for word, passing them off as his own recollections. He took equal license in lifting from nonfiction books about his presidency or newspaper or magazine articles from the time. Far from shedding light on how the president approached the crucial "decision points" of his presidency, the clip jobs illuminate something shallower and less surprising about Bush's character: He's too lazy to write his own memoir. [...]

Many of Bush's literary misdemeanors exemplify pedestrian sloth, but others are higher crimes against the craft of memoir. In one prime instance, Bush relates a poignant meeting between Afghan President Hamid Karzai and a Tajik warlord on Karzai's Inauguration Day. It's the kind of scene that offers a glimpse of a hopeful future for the beleaguered nation. Witnessing such an exchange could color a president's outlook, could explain perhaps Bush's more optimistic outlook and give insight into his future decisions. Except Bush didn't witness it. Because he wasn't at Karzai's inauguration.

His absence doesn't stop Bush from relating this anecdote: "When Karzai arrived in Kabul for his inauguration on December 22 - 102 days after 9/11 - several Northern Alliance leaders and their bodyguards greeted him at an airport. As Karzai walked across the tarmac alone, a stunned Tajik warlord asked where all his men were. Karzai, responded, 'Why, General, you are my men. All of you who are Afghans are my men.'"

That meeting would sound familiar to Ahmend Rashid, author of "The Mess in Afghanistan", who wrote: "At the airport to receive [Karzai] was the warlord General Mohammad Fahim, a Tajik from the Panjshir Valley .... As the two men shook hands on the tarmac, Fahim looked confused. 'Where are your men?' he asked. Karzai turned to him in his disarmingly gentle manner of speaking. 'Why General," he replied, "you are my men--all of you are Afghans and are my men.'"

Nice To See A McCain With A Brain (And A Heart)

I wonder how this inspiring bit of community service is going down in the newly rightwing McCain household:

Sen. John McCain's wife Cindy appears in a new ad that harshly criticizes the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy, and government officials and religious leaders generally, over what she and others describe as complicity in the bullying that has led to a rash of highly-publicized suicides among gay youth.

The Republican senator from Arizona has spearheaded opposition to legislative repeal of the military's ban on openly gay servicemembers in the upper chamber, vowing to filibuster if necessary a bill similar to the one that passed the House earlier this year. In the ad from the NOH8 campaign -- an activist group formed in response to Proposition 8, the California ballot measure that banned same-sex marriage -- Cindy McCain seems to be suggesting that her husband is partly responsible for the bullying that has claimed a number of gay teens' lives.

"Our political and religious leaders tell LGBT youth that they have no future," Mrs. McCain says in the ad, which features her alongside celebrities such as Denise Richards and Gene Simmons. "They can't serve our country openly."

 Ouch on that last bit.  A little passive-aggressive jab at her asshole husband perhaps?

Best Passive-Aggressive Note Ever

If You Are Scared That Sharia Law Will Attack You In Oklahoma, You Should Be Put Out Of Your Misery

I really just can't put it any other way: the reactionary right in this country are dangerous, insane fucktards that wreak havoc with every paranoid delusion that invades their primordial, largely inactive brain cells:

David Narcomey, a business owner and member of the Seminole Nation, said he sees dangers beyond just the religious issues at stake over the controversial Sharia law state question.

Narcomey agrees with several law experts that tribal relations and international trade within the state could feel the unintended consequences of State Question 755. Voters overwhelmingly approved the ballot measure last week that bars judges from considering international or Islamic Sharia law when deciding cases.

“This could blossom into a major threat to the sovereignty of our Indian nations,” Narcomey said. “There really is just a remote chance it could happen, but Pandora’s box can be opened with just that one case.”

Oklahoma University law professor Taiawagi Helton, along with many other legal experts, said he thinks there are First Amendment problems by singling out the one religion. But Helton said the lesser-discussed language created by the state question that courts cannot look to the “legal precepts of other nations or cultures” could pose a problem if it is applied to tribal legal cases.

Helton, who specializes in American Indian law, said the “ambiguous” language could be interpreted in a way for the state to reject rulings based on tribal laws. He said an “opportunistic” person could argue tribal laws do not apply in arbitration cases or when the state is called to resolve a dispute.

Barbara Warner, executive director of the Oklahoma Indian Affairs Commission, said she too has heard concerns the state question could carry a “detrimental” impact to tribes.

Doesn't anyone find it just a little ironic that teabaggers and other associated fuckwits love to cry about the jackbooted thugs of gubmint while simultaneously pushing to pass referenda like this that drastically pervert the role of government in people's lives?

If Sarah Palin really does get elected in 2012, can someone recommend a nice city in Canada?  I hear Vancouver BC is nice this time of year.  Or maybe Mallorca!

Class injustice

A redditor comments:

I'm in Law School and this illustrates how bad the system is rigged to favor the wealthy, and literally nothing can be done to change it.

Just as an example: The Plea Bargain - which the homeless guy most likely took.

The plea bargain is supposed to keep the court free and moving along, but what it does to the poor who can't afford a lawyer, is forcing them to plea to charges they are likely not even guilty of simply because their lawyer doesn't have the time or money to fight them (PubDef)

The AIG guy has a lawyer who will bury the ADA in paperwork. The ADA knows this, but has to get this guy in jail, but the AIG guy lawyer is good, and knows that he can drag out a trial over the next 2-4 years... the ADA doesn't want to do this... he's got fucking murders to try, so he offers the AIG [just] 4 years for a far more heinous crime... and he takes it, because no matter how well his lawyer fought, 2-4 years later, he'd be doing 20... the state just doesn't have the resources to take rich people to jail for 20 years.

Another adds the sort of explanation I was more familiar with:

I think it is more of how the laws are written, the poor guys was probably charged a federal crime for stealing from a bank. That is usually a violent crime, and as such carries a minimum amount of prison time much higher than fraud that isn't a violent crime.